The Random Adventures of Darren Shan
by S.L. Gibbs
Summary: Steve wishes there were more M rated fanfics about him and Darren, Debbie wishes Steve would leave her Darren alone, Darren wishes he knew what the heck was going on and everyone else just wishes Steve would go live somewhere else.
1. Steve's Rant

**WARNING: **Please bare in mind that this is one of my first fics so it's rather strange - I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote some of these chapters. Also 'rape' is mentioned casually in this chapter and apparently I offended someone with that so I'm sorry! If you're sensitive about that sort of thing then you should probably skip this chapter, although it is only mentioned once.

* * *

_Hello, all! This is my second fanfic, and my first ever Darren Shan fanfic. I wanted to write something about how the characters would view the Saga after it had finished. I also wanted it to be pointless and retarded so that's how this fanfic was created. Also, Steve is extremely out of character – I made him into a pervert who is always lusting after Darren XD Please review :D Disclaimer time:_

**Disclaimer:**

Darren: S.L. Gibbs does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan_ in anyway.

S.L.: I wish I did though, then Steve would get more love ¬_¬

* * *

"Hello, my name is Steve Leonard and today I am going to rant about our fans."

"What is that buffoon talking about?" Mr. Crepsley whispered.

"Quiet, Creepy Crepsley!" Steve hissed. "As I was saying, I'm going to rant about our fans. Why is it that 30% of the fangirls prefer Evra, 40% like Creepy Crepsley and the other 20% like Darren? Why not me? I mean, look at me!"

"Where did he get those percentages from?" Evra asked. Darren shrugged.

"And why are there hardly any yaoi fanfictions about me and Darren?" Steve went on. "It's always Darren x Evra and Darren x Crepsley. I deserve some love too!"

"He _wants _fanfics about him and Darren making love?" Kurda murmured.

"Yes, and M rated ones too!" Steve yelled in response.

"Is he drunk on blood?" Debbie asked.

"I don't think that's possible." Darren replied.

"...oh, Darren, if only you could realize my feelings..." Steve muttered to himself in the background.

"Erm, can we go somewhere else? He's starting to creep me out." Debbie said.

"Good idea," Darren responded. "I have the feeling that if I stick around any longer I'm going to get raped."

"...oh, Darren, I want you..."

"Want to go get some ice cream?" Debbie suggested.

"Anywhere's good as long as it's far away from here. He's got that perverted look in his eyes."


	2. The Sexiest Vampire

_So, here I am. Uploading a new chapter even though the first one doesn't even have any reviews. I just like coming up with new names for Mr. Crepsley to call people e.g. in the first chapter he called Steve a buffoon and in this one he calls Vancha and Kurda miscreants XD Anyway, disclaimer time._

**Disclaimer**

Steve: S.L. Gibbs does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway. Can I go and find Darren now?

S.L.: Fine, please don't rape him though.

* * *

"It is obvious that I am the best character in the Saga," Mr. Crepsley said. "The author is releasing a sequel about me. Not Leonard, but me."

"Did you have to pick on me then?" Steve muttered. "And besides, you're not. I mean, you have ginger hair. No-one likes ginger hair."

"I have green hair," Vancha said. "That, and my sparkling personality are two things that make me the sexiest vampire ever."

"No-one likes green hair, Vancha. And you aren't the sexiest vampire," Kurda grinned. "I am."

"It is I who is the most attractive vampire," Mr. Crepsley argued. "How many fans do you miscreants have? Now, compare that to how many I have."

Vancha and Kurda mumbled something nasty about Mr. Crepsley.

"Darren? Who do you think is better looking?" Kurda asked.

"It's me, right?" Steve pressed.

"You're not even a vampire." Vancha pointed out.

"It doesn't matter," Steve shrugged. "I'm still the hottest person here. Apart from Darren, of course."

_Oh, brother._ Darren thought. "Do I have to decide?"

"Yes." All 3 vampires, plus Steve, said at the same time.

"Alright, then I choose...Steve."

"In your face, losers!" Steve boasted.

"Do you really think so?" Mr. Crepsley whispered to Darren.

"No, but I knew he'd throw a tantrum if I didn't choose him."

"So, who do you really think-"

"Not telling!"


	3. Chatting

_In this chapter __the characters are in a chatroom, Darren gets watched through a hole in his wall and Steve reads M rated fanfics about him and Darren. Totally normal ;)_

**Disclaimer:**

Debbie: S.L. Gibbs does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway.

S.L.: Ew, what are you doing here? I wanted Steve to do my disclaimer again.

Debbie: Steve's a little…busy.

Steve: *Randomly in the background* oh, Darren, be mine…

S.L.: Oh, Steve...

**

* * *

****Spider****Shan has signed in.**

**IAmThe****VampanezeLord has signed in.**

**IAmThe****VampanezeLord:** Hi, Darren!

**SpiderShan****:** Hey, Steve.

**IAmThe****VampanezeLord: **Marry me.

**SpiderShan****: **What?

**IAmThe****VampanezeLord: **Nothing.

**VampirePrincess has signed in.**

**VampirePrincess: **Hi, Darren!

**SpiderShan: **Hey, Debbie.

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Oh, great, it's her ¬_¬

**VampirePrincess: **What's that supposed to mean?

**SexyPrince has signed in.**

**VampirePrincess: **Hey, Vancha!

**SexyPrince: **Hi, everyone.

**SpiderShan: **Hey.

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Hi.

**SexyPrince: **Ew, what's Leonard doing here?

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Being awesome!

**LadysMan has signed in.**

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Darren is sexy.

**SpiderShan: **What?

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Nothing.

**LadysMan: **O.O

**SpiderShan: **Hey, Kurda.

**LadysMan: **Hey.

**VampirePrincess: **I'm bored. What're you all up to?

**SexyPrince: **Nothing much, just being my sexy self.

**LadysMan: **Me too.

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **I'm watching Darren through a hole in the wall.

**SpiderShan: **What?

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Nothing.

**RedAndBlackVamp has signed in.**

**SnakeBoy has signed in.**

**VampirePrincess: **Yay, everyone's here!

**SpiderShan: **Hey, Mr. Crepsley! Hey, Evra!

**RedAndBlackVamp: **Hello, Darren.

**SnakeBoy: **Hey, everyone!

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Hey, I found a fanfic about me and Darren :D

**LadysMan: **An M rated one I take it?

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **…maybe.

**SpiderShan: **I'm scared.

**IAmTheVampanezeLord: **Darren, I'm coming to show it to you.

**IAmTheVampanezeLord has signed out to…um…****show Darren something.**

**SpiderShan has signed out to defend himself.**

**VampirePrincess: **I'm going to save Darren.

**VampirePrincess has signed out to murder Steve.**

**SnakeBoy has signed out to watch Darren get raped.**

**RedAndBlackVamp: **Well, I guess it is just us. Glad that imbecile Leonard has gone.

**SexyPrince: **Actually, I think I'd like to watch Leonard try to rape Darren too.

**LadysMan: **I'm hungry.

**SexyPrince has signed off to get some popcorn to eat while he watches Darren get raped.**

**LadysMan has signed off to get some smoked cheese.**

**RedAndBlackVamp: **¬_¬

**RedAndBlackVamp has signed off because he got lonely.**


	4. The Author

_In this chapter we find out w__hat the characters think of me XD Steve is doing my disclaimer again because I love him._

**Disclaimer**

Steve: S.L. Gibbs does not own me or the _Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway.

S.L.: Great, now dance.

Steve: Why?

S.L.: Because I find you attractive!

Steve: Speaking of attractive, where's Darren?

S.L.: …oh, Steve.

* * *

"What is with the author of this fanfiction? I only get a line per chapter!" Evra complained. "I haven't even done the disclaimer yet!"

"I've done the disclaimer twice." Steve boasted.

"That's because the author is a big fan of your's." Darren explained.

"Alright! I have a fangirl!"

"You have a lot of them, actually," Darren replied. "Apparently, everyone who's reviewed this fanfic so far is a girl who loves you."

"What about me?" Evra asked.

"Meh," Darren shrugged. "No-one mentions you."

"But what happened to '30% of fangirls prefer Evra'?" Evra whined.

"Well, apparently green and scaley just isn't doing it for some girls." Debbie laughed.

"I don't know what you're laughing at. Almost all of the fangirls hate you, including the author of this fic." Darren said.

Debbie frowned. "Why am I even in this fanfic then?"

"Who knows?"

"I think the author of this fanfiction is an incompetent cretin." Mr. Crepsley announced.

"Cre- what?" Evra said.

"He's talking all fancy-like again." Darren shrugged.

"Darren, you smell good." Steve stated.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Darren, what do you think of the author?" Evra asked.

"I think she's okay but I wish she wouldn't make Steve stalk me so much."

Steve was doing his perverted laugh in the background.

"What about you, Vancha?"

"I could do with a bit more lines but I'm good."

"Ditto." Kurda agreed.

"Darren, you have pretty eyes." Steve said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Charna's guts, this fanfiction makes no sense." Mr. Crepsley rolled his eyes.

_

* * *

__It was short but I loved how Mr. Crepsley called me a incompetent cretin XD Aww, and I'm sorry Evra, Kurda and Vancha – I'll give you guys more lines and I promise, Evra, you can do the disclaimer next time D:_

_Evra/Kurda/Vancha: Yay!_

_Mr. Crepsley: …you are still incompetent. _

_Steve: Can you please make Darren love me?_

_Darren: Can you please make Steve stop stalking me?_

_Debbie: …_


	5. Mr Crepsley's Rant

_**Spoiler warning**__ for this chapter. Mr. Crepsley rants about Steve XD And I kept my promise – Evra, you can do my disclaimer for this chapter._

**Disclaimer**

Steve: What the heck is that?

S.L.: *Holds up plush toy* It's my chibi version of you.

Steve: …why do you have a chibi version of me?

S.L.: Because you're a bucket full of manliness! Anyway, I promised Evra he could do the disclaimer so get!

Evra: What's that?

S.L.: It's my chibi version of Steve.

Evra: I'm not even going to ask. Anyway, S.L. Gibbs does not own me, Steve or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway.

S.L.: I do own this chibi version of Steve though, right?

Evra: *Sighs* Fine.

* * *

"Everyone! I have convinced our dimwit of an author to do a chapter about me!" Mr. Crepsley announced.

"Aww, but she promised she'd feature me more." Evra complained.

"I do not care. Now, hush!"

"So, what exactly will you do in this chapter, Mr. Crepsley?" Darren asked.

"I do not know but I do know that it will not have you two in it. Every single chapter so far has been about you and that sleazy one, Leonard."

"There was no need to be mean." Steve grumbled. Mr. Crepsley ignored him.

"Oh, I know what I will do! I will do a rant like this one did."

"What are you going to rant about?"

"Him," He pointed to Steve. "This pathetic excuse for a vampaneze was responsible for my death."

"And Shancus's." Evra put in.

"Quiet, this is my chapter! Anyway, this fool goes and tricks us and I end up dying in vain. How do you think that made the readers feel? I mean, I am the best character in the Saga. And why is he living here with us anyway? He is the Vampaneze Lord, why does he not go live with the vampaneze?"

"Because I can watch Darren dry off in the bathroom through the keyhole if I live here." Steve explained.

"What?" Darren responded.

"Nothing."

"And there he goes again, harassing Darren. Does he not have anything better to do then torture the poor boy?"

Steve laughed his perverted laugh. "I don't torture you, do I, Darren?"

"Er…so, continue your rant, Mr. Crepsley." Darren said, avoiding Steve's question entirely.

"Gladly. I mean, he is such an idiot. He did not realize that Darren did what he did to save him. If I were Darren, I would have just let him die."

"But if I did then none of this would've happened and the series would have been really boring." Darren pointed out.

"Technically, none of this really did happen because in the last book you go back in time to prevent yourself from spying on Steve."

Darren pursed his lips. "I wonder what really did happen to me."

"You fell in love with me and we got married." Steve answered cheerfully.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, hush! You two talk too much." Mr. Crepsley growled.

"Sorry, Mr. Crepsley." Darren replied.

"It is okay, I have run out of things to rant about anyway."

_

* * *

__S.L.: I'm sorry Mr. Crepsley but Darren and Steve did kind of rule this chapter too._

_Mr. Crepsley: You are still incompetent._

_S.L.: I know, I'm sorry! I still love you though._

_Darren: Why wasn't Debbie in this chapter to save me from Steve's wrath? T_T_

_S.L.: Because I like it when Steve stalks you and I hate Debbie._

I'd like to thank_ Blood Rose Vampiress _for reviewing all the chapters so far and also everyone else who has reviewed and/or added this story to their favourites :D


	6. The Trip

_Ever wondered what the characters of the Saga would think of the Cirque du Freak movie? Now's your chance to find out XD_

**Disclaimer**

S.L.: Say it!

Mr. Crepsley: Why? I do not like you.

S.L.: Please?

Crepsley: Fine, S.L. Gibbs-

S.L.: Say "SL-nee-sama".

Crepsley: **Rolls eyes **SL-nee-sama does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway. Can I go now?

* * *

"Since a lot of the reviewers have been asking SL-nee-sama to give me more lines, she has decided to make this chapter mine." Vancha proclaimed.

"But what about me? She promised!" Evra whined.

"You did the disclaimer last time, isn't that enough? Now, quiet! I'm trying to think about what we'll do in this chapter."

"How about we go out somewhere?" Darren suggested. "We've been in this house for the whole fanfic."

"It's my chapter so I decide!" Vancha shouted. "I know – we'll go out somewhere!"

"Isn't that what Darren just-"

Darren cut Steve off. "Just let it go."

"But where should we go?" Vancha muttered to himself.

"I hear the Cirque du Freak movie is still showing, how about we go and see that?" Darren offered.

"I know! We'll go and see the Cirque du Freak movie!"

* * *

"That was terrible!" Vancha exclaimed. "I wasn't even in it!"

"That's because the movie was based on the first three books and you weren't in any of those." Darren explained.

"I know that but they changed a lot of crucial things, would it hurt to throw me into it a little early?"

"I agree with Vancha – the movie was terrible." Steve said.

"Why didn't you like it, Steve?" Darren asked even though he knew he was going to regret it later.

"Because the guy who played you wasn't sexy enough."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"For once, I agree with Leonard." Mr. Crepsley said.

"About the guy who played Darren not being sexy enough?" Evra chuckled.

"No, you fool! About the movie being terrible! They made me look like a grumpy, old brute. I am not really like that, am I?"

Darren stifled a laugh. "Of course not, Mr. Crepsley."

"I hated it too. They replaced me with that Rebecca girl." Debbie growled.

"That was the one thing that was good about it!" Steve laughed.

"I thought it was okay," Evra shrugged. "They could've done better."

"I agree." Kurda said.

"One thing I did like was the guy who played you, Larten." Vancha laughed. "He had a ginger afro."

_

* * *

__Hey, guys! Thankyou so much for all the lovely reviews! They all made me really happy and I'm glad you guys are enjoying this fanfic, even if Mr. Crepsley isn't._

_Mr. Crepsley: I hate you._

_S.L.: Love you too._

_Even though he hates me, Mr. Crepsley is also very grateful for all your reviews. _

_Steve: And so am I! I have fangirls! Whoohoo!_


	7. Where's My Stalker?

_This chapter is very short but I think it's adorable :3 Steve is going to be very happy, that's__ all I'm going to say XD_

**Disclaimer**

Vancha: SL-nee-sama doesn't own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway. Seriously though, why am I not in this chapter? T_T

S.L.: Because I wanted to make Steve happy! Now, shush!

* * *

"Where's Steve?" Darren asked.

"Your stalker's finally left you alone and you ask where he is?" Kurda replied.

"Well, I've kind of gotten used to him saying something weird, then I say 'what' and he'll reply 'nothing'." Darren shrugged.

"I do not understand why you are worried – we have not had this much peace in ages." Mr. Crepsley said.

"Well, I don't know. What if he's upset about something?"

"Why should you care about that lunatic?"

Darren shrugged again and then went to go look for his stalker.

* * *

Darren found Steve curled up under his bed sheets. All that was visible was his long, blonde hair spread out all over the pillow.

"Steve?" He called.

"Darren?" Steve echoed.

Darren poked the lump under the covers that was Steve. "Why are you upset?"

"I'm not."

"You lie."

"I know."

"So, are you going to tell me?"

"No."

Darren laughed softly. He wasn't even going to try getting it out of him – he knew how stubborn Steve could be.

"Okay, but is there anything I could do to make you feel better?"

"Yeah, but you wouldn't do it."

"Wanna bet?"

Steve pulled the duvet off of himself and sat up. "Kiss me."

Darren laughed and rolled his eyes. He sat next to Steve on the bed and gave him a small kiss on each cheek.

Steve blushed. "What…what was that?"

Darren poked the blonde's nose. "Isn't that what you asked me to do?"


	8. Valentine's Day Special

_Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Even though I don't believe in Valentine's Day T_T_

Darren: See, Debbie! I'm not the only one!

_Anyway, here's the disclaimer. This time done by Kurda - the only person who hasn't done my disclaimer yet :D_

Kurda: SL-nee-sama does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway. Will you be my Valentine? (He's desperate)

SL: No. Steve, will you be my Valentine?

Steve: ...huh, what? I was too busy practicing how I was going to ask Darren to be my Valentine.

SL: ...so, anyone else want to be my Valentine?

Kurda: But I just asked-

SL: Anyone _except _Kurda.

* * *

"It's Valentine's Day!" Steve announced. "I know just who I want to be my Valentine." He cast a sideways glance at Darren.

"Well, too bad because he's mine." Debbie spat.

"Hey! I didn't agree to be anybody's Valentine!" Darren yelled. "I don't believe in Valentine's Day."

"What do you mean, you don't believe in Valentine's Day?" Debbie shouted.

"It's just a day to make single people feel bad about themselves." Darren explained.

"But you don't have to be single, Darren." Steve winked.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Anyway, I'm not going to be anybody's Valentine and that's that."

* * *

"Hey, Larten," Vancha smiled. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Vancha, you know I do not believe in Valentine's Day." Mr. Crepsley replied.

"Come on, it only happens once a year," Vancha whined. "Loosen up, you old prune."

"Do not call me old, you brute!"

Vancha laughed. "Anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you…"

"What?"

"Will you be my Valentine?"

"Vancha, I told you I do not believe in-"

"I know but I was hoping you would make an acception for me?"

Mr. Crepsley sighed and then laughed. "Fine, Vancha, I will be your Valentine."

* * *

"If you're wondering what happened to me, I had loads of Valentine's. I'm so attractive that all the ladies were just lining up." Kurda grinned.

"Lies!" Evra hissed.

Kurda sighed. "Fine, Steve settled for me when Darren wouldn't be his Valentine."

"And Debbie settled for me." Evra put in.


	9. Steve's Fanfiction

Steve: What? Still no M rated fanfics about me and Darren? I guess I'll have to write my own then!

_So, I guess you figured out that Steve writes a fic in this chapter ;D It's not really fanfiction cuz Steve isn't technically a fan but he wants it to be so who are we to argue? XD In today's disclaimer, we will be joined by...Gannen?_

Gannen: SL-nee-sama does not own me or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway.

SL: What are you doing here? You're not in this fanfic, nor do I plan to put you in it.

Gannen: Steve called me. He wants me to protect him from you.

SL: Hey, Steve-xiao-tu, that's not nice D;

Steve: Do I even _want _to know what xiao tu means?

SL: Probably not.

* * *

Steve ran into the room, waving a piece of paper in the air.

"Darren! Darren, look! I wrote a fanfiction about us!" He announced.

"You couldn't've written a fanfiction because you're not a _fan_." Darren pointed out.

"Okay, a fictional piece of writing based on a true story." Steve grinned.

"Somehow I doubt it's based on a true story." Debbie snorted.

Steve ignored her. "So, will you read it for me, Darren? You're a good writer, you can check for mistakes or whatever."

"I bet the whole thing will be a mistake." Debbie put in.

Steve ignored her again. "So, will you?"

"Fine." Darren sighed as he took the piece of paper from Steve.

* * *

_I was on the w__ay to my boyfriend, Darren's house when I saw Debbie. She was Darren's stalker. She never left him alone and she just didn't get that Darren didn't like her._

"_Hey, Steve!" She said. _

"_Oh, hi, Debbie." I replied._

"_I've just been to see Darren," She bragged. "We did stuff if you know what I mean."_

"_You lie!" I yelled. _

"_Believe what you want but it's the truth." Debbie laughed._

_Scared that she was actually telling the truth for once, I ran to Darren's house._

"_Darren?"_

"_Oh, hey, baby." He said in his super cute feminine-sounding voice. He was wearing a frilly, pink maid-style dress with an apron over it. Just the way I liked it. "I just made cookies, do you want some?"_

_When I didn't say anything, he noticed that I was upset. I love how he knew me._

"_What's wrong, honey?" He asked._

"_I'm just going to say it," I looked into his eyes. "Did you cheat on me with Debbie?"_

_He caressed my cheek. "Baby, I would never cheat on you. Especially not with Debbie."_

"_I know," I smiled. "I can't believe I thought otherwise."_

_Then he pulled me into a passionate kiss. His fingers were entwined in my hair. I-_

* * *

"Okay," Darren laughed awkwardly.

"Did you finish it?" Steve asked enthusiastically.

"Erm, you know what? I think that the start was so good that I don't even need to read the ending!" Darren lied.

"Really? You like it? I'm going to go upload it to a fanfiction site!" Steve yelled before skipping away happily.

"But I told you, it isn't really a fanfic-" Darren began but Debbie cut him off.

"Just let him go."

* * *

_I loved Steve's fanfic XD The guy has some messed up sexual fantasies D; Thankyou so much for the reviews, everyone ^_^_


	10. Brotherly Love

**Where did all my reviewers go? The last chapter only got one T_T Anyway, b****efore the chapter begins. Steve has a message for all of you:**

_Hi, everyone! ^_^ I'm so happy - I have fangirls! But you know what I would like you to do? Could you please write some M rated fanfics about me and Darren? There are hardly any! And I need some so that I can...erm...show them to Darren. I will be sure to review them using SL-nee-sama's account so please message SL-nee-sama if you write one. Please and thankyou 8D_

_Love Steve._

Darren: Please don't! I'm still sore from the last time he tried to "show me a fic"!

**So, do you want to let Steve-_xiao-tu _down? Of course not! So write M rated fanfics for Steve! (And SL _) Disclaimer time.**

Sam: Umm...SL-nee-sama does not own me or _T-The Saga of D-Darren Shan _in anyway.

SL: Very good, Sam-kun ^_^ Why did I not put you in this fic?

**Spoiler warning for this chapter. Also, it's in Steve's POV.**

* * *

_I come off as arrogant and conceited but I have feelings too and those feelings are for Darren._

_When he shoots me down it's a lot more painful then when Crepsley calls me a name or Debbie stomps on my toe._

_He tries. He tries really hard not to hurt me but he can never love me and that's enough to hurt me on its own. _

_I have an obsession with him and__ I'm not afraid to admit it._

"Steve, what are you writing? Wait, it's not another fanfiction, is it?" There was a trace of fear on Darren's face as he said the last part which made me laugh.

"No, it's something a bit more personal," I told him. "I guess you could call it a diary."

He opened his mouth as if to ask about it but then he thought better of it. He then nodded and walked away.

_He's so damn cute. Almost like a girl. I don't even care that somehow the two of us are brothers. All I want is for that adorable smile of his to be directed at me._

"What is that scoundrel doing?" I could hear Crepsley asking Darren.

"He says he's writing something. Like a diary." Darren replied.

_I regret what I did. I was so stupid not to see that Darren became a vampire to save me. I know it was all predetermined by Tiny but I__ still hate myself for it._

"A diary?" Crepsley scoffed. "What could he possibly have to write about? He has a sad excuse for a life."

Darren shushed him. "Don't talk about him that way - I'm worried. He seems…distant."

_I remember when we were really young and I protected him from the big kids. We were like brothers and_ _he used to look up to me. What a role model I turned out to be._

"Darren, why do you care about him?" Debbie asked. "All he does is perv on you."

"I don't know why I care about him," Darren mumbled. "I guess I never stopped loving him, even after he tried to kill me." I imagine everyone was giving him a look at this point. "I mean, as a friend or a brother. Not _love_, love."

I put my pen down and turned around. "Darren, you still love me?"

"Of course I do," He smiled.

I blushed and smiled back.

"Come and join us, Steve. I don't like you sitting over there by yourself." He said.

"Okay, hang on a second," I picked up my pen and scribbled down one last sentence in my notebook.

_Maybe we can never be together but at least we will always have a huge amount of brotherly love. _

_

* * *

_

**Thankyou for the reviews, everyone. This is my first fanfic (well, I wrote a fanfic before this but it was just a crappy one shot) so you guys are really encouraging me 8D I might do another _Darren Shan _fanfic after this. It might be another crack fic or it might actually have a plot, I haven't decided yet. If you guys have any suggestions then feel free to tell me in a review or message :D**


	11. The Last Chapter

**I never did explain why I made Steve obsessed with Darren, did I? XD Basically, Steve was just a little bit obsessed with Darren in the books. You've got to admit it. I mean, he devoted his whole life to finding and killing him. So I decided to turn that obsession around and make it into the good kind 8D Well, good for everyone else, bad for Darren. Also cuz I think Steve is dang cute when he's swooning over Darren :3 Anyway, here is *sniff sniff* the last disclaimer I will ever write for this fic. (Hopefully not the last disclaimer I will ever write, ever again).**

Steve: SL-nee-sama does not own me (although she acts like she does T_T) or _The Saga of Darren Shan _in anyway.

SL: Thankyou, Steve-_xiao-tu._

Steve: I'm going to miss you calling me that.

SL: Really?

Steve: No, you made me say that.

_

* * *

_"This sucks!" Steve screamed.

"What?" Darren asked.

"This is our last chapter." Steve replied.

"I know," Darren sighed. "But SL-nee-sama did say she'd write another fic about us."

"I know but I didn't even end up with you in this one!" Steve yelled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I, for one, am glad it's over," Mr. Crepsley announced. "It was the stupidest fanfiction I have ever been in and I have been in some quite grotesque ones. 'SL-nee-sama' is a moron."

"I agree with Mr. Crepsley," Debbie muttered. "She is a moron."

"Oh, hush, Debbie-dumbass!"

"Who was that?" Evra asked.

"Oh, God, it's not…" Steve's voice trailed off when heard the witchy laugh coming from the hallway and he saw the girl standing in the doorway.

"SL-nee-sama." Darren finished for him.

"In _Darren Shan Saga _form," The girl grinned. "Miss me?"

"Heck no!" Steve yelled before running to the other side of the room to hide behind Darren. SL just laughed.

"Look who I brought with me," She dramatically pointed to the doorway.

"Sam?" Darren and Evra gasped.

"Yes, that's right," SL nodded. "My next fic will hopefully have Sam-_mao_ in it."

"Will I be in it?" Steve asked enthusiastically.

"Of course, Steve_-xiao-tu._" SL smiled. "Darren too. And defiantly Mr. Crepsley." She wiggled her eyebrows at the ginger-haired vampire as she said the last part. "Don't know about everyone else though."

"Will you write a fic about me, SL-nee-sama?" Evra begged. "I never even got my own chapter in this fic."

"I'll try, _Shé_-kun," SL replied. "Sorry about that, by the way. You guys two." She was speaking to Vancha and Kurda.

"It's okay," Vancha grinned. "As long as you write me a romance fic."

"With who?" SL asked.

Vancha cast a sideways glance to Mr. Crepsley who wasn't even paying attention to the conversation. "I think you know."

SL laughed. "Yeah, I do."

"Anyway," SL pointed dramatically at all the _Saga _characters in the room. "I must dash but this won't be the last time you see." She then grabbed Sam and the two of them disappeared into the floorboards, SL laughing maniacally.

"I'm going to miss that girl," Kurda said.

"But she hates you." Darren pointed out.

"I know but I was just trying to get my one line in."

* * *

**And that *sniff* concludes *sniff sniff* The Random Adventures of Darren Shan. Hopefully you guys will tune in for my next fic but I don't even know what it'll be about yet. I want to put Sam_-mao _in it because I love him (not as much as Steve) and I forgot to put him in this fic. So, thankyou everyone for staying with me until now and the reviews and favourites made me smile 8D**

**But before I go, someone asked me what _xiao tu _meant so I'm going to quickly explain the nicknames I gave to some of the characters in this chapter.**

_**Xiao tu **_**(Steve)**__**- Bunny rabbit in Chinese.**

**_Mao _(Sam)_ - _** **Cat in Chinese.**

**_Shé_-kun (Evra) - I think you all know what -kun is, shé is snake. Also in Chinese.**

**So, again, thankyou everyone. And bye-bye for now 8D**

Steve: Bye bye, I love you my fangirls and M rated fic writers! 8D

Darren: Thankyou for reading!

Mr. Crepsley: How could you have read something like this? Thankyou for reading anyway.

Evra: Thanks for the reviews! Especially _cookiemonster328, she _knows what sexy is.

Vancha/Kurda: Bye :3


	12. Epilogue

**Hi, people 8D This fic is technically finished but the other day I found first drafts of the first two chapters so I thought I might upload them. Also, there's an epilogue at the end for a sequel to this fic called The Random Adventures of Steve Leonard that I'll be uploading soon.**

* * *

Chapter 1: First Draft

"Darren? Why is it the fangirls prefer you and Creepy Crepsley to me? I mean, look at me!"

"I don't know, Steve." Darren yawned.

"I mean, Crepsley's ginger and who likes gingers?"

"I don't know, Steve." Darren repeated.

"And I'm- hey, are you even listening to me?"

"I don't know, Ste- oh, er, yeah."

Steve sighed. "You, Crepsley and that damn snake-boy! Why is it that fangirls pick such random characters to fangirl over?"

"Well, you are a psycho, crazed killer after all." Darren replied nonchalantly.

"But I'm a handsome, psycho, crazed killer." Steve pointed out. "And besides, that's what makes me interesting. You on the other hand are just a goody-two-shoes who's all about saving lives and sacrificing yourself for others. Yawn."

"Well, I think it's better to be a goody-two-shoes then a monster." Debbie put in, No-one had noticed she'd entered the room.

"You would." Steve laughed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Debbie growled.

"Nothing, Vampire Princess. Nothing." Steve chuckled.

Debbie rolled her eyes. "Darren, how were you friends with this guy?"

"He couldn't keep away – he was drawn to me by my good looks." Steve answered for him.

"No-one was asking you." Debbie spat.

Steve shrugged.

Vancha entered the room. "Hey, Darren, Debbie, idiot,"

"What did you just call me?" Steve roared.

Vancha chuckled and didn't even bother answering Steve's question. "As a response to your earlier statement, none of the fans like you because you're ugly."

Mr. Crepsley popped up out of nowhere. "Actually, I believe that nobody likes you because you were responsible for my death."

"Nobody likes him because he killed Shancus!" Evra called from another room.

"Nobody likes him because he's a monster." Debbie muttered.

"Whatever," Steve shrugged. "You like me, don't you, Darren?"

"Of course,"

Steve stuck his tongue out at Vancha, Mr. Crepsley and Debbie then left.

"You do? After he killed me?" Mr. Crepsley gasped.

"And nearly killed me?" Debbie added.

"No," Darren chuckled. "I just said that to keep him happy."

* * *

Chapter 2 First Draft This was orginally supposed to be called Debbie's Rant

"Hey, Darren? How come in all the fanfictions I'm always an annoying fangirl? You don't think I'm annoying, do you, Darren?"

"Of course not, Debbie."

"Those damn Darren x Evra fanfics! Why are there never any that involve me? Hey, Darren, you and Evra aren't really…you know."

Darren jumped to his feet. "No!"

"Why the dramatic denial, Darren? Are you hiding something?" Vancha teased.

"You're not even part of this conversation!" Darren yelled.

Vancha laughed.

"Isn't Evra married with 3 kids?" Debbie pointed out.

"What's wrong, Debbie? Scared of loosing your man?" Vancha chuckled.

**And it just stops here. I never finished it.**

* * *

The Random Adventures of Steve Leonard

Well, hello, readers. You thought we were done, right? And with only 11 chapters! Here's some good news for you – we're NOT done! And this time the story's MINE!

It'll be so much more exciting than Darren's story! It'll have romance, action, adventure and a whole lot of SMUT! Okay, that last part was a lie but I promise, when the actual fic starts then I won't stray too far from the truth – Darren made me swear not to.

So, don't forget to check back in a little while or add SL-nee-sama to author alert because once I have SEX with Darren in her current fic, (That was another lie) then she'll have my fic up soon.

Thanks for reading and I'll see you soon!

_Steve Leonard_


End file.
